Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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