I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize