Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize