Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
