so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
