You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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