The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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