so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
