the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
