I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
