um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
