so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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