sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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