I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will be naked everywhere
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
