so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
