the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
