Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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