sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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