I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
