You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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