Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
