Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
