i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
