AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
