So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
