i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
