Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize