yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
