My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
