I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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