yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
