So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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