I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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