I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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