I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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