have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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