What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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