Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
