wrigley field is MILF paradise
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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