Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
