im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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