Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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