Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
