have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
