wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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