I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your cock deserves a montage
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
