who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's the barista slut.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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