tell your sister to shave her snatch
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You are the jesus of drinking
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
