need another drink. this is the easiest way
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
