so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
