Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
