I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
