dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
