I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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