your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
