you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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