you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I party with great urgency now.
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