It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
