I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
