My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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