I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
