Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
