3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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