Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
