It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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