my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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