OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
