can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I FOUND THE LEGS
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
