Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
