I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize