I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
birth control should be required to get into college
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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